Arthur and his trusty ring spanner Patsy are toiling in the garage on a Lotus Elan with a defective differential unit that must be replaced. To get at the differential unit, Arthur disconnects the left-side lower wishbone and turns his attention to the Rotoflex coupling (a.k.a. the dreaded Black Donut) . Arthur lines up the wheel to minimize donut distortion and tightens a large jubilee clamp around the Black Donut. Arthur then attempts to loosen the nuts on the Donut.

Arthur

(Straining.)You fight with the strength of many men. (The nuts on the Black Donut do not respond.)

Arthur

(Straining.) I am Arthur, king of the Restorers! (no response)

Arthur

(Straining.) I seek to install the finest parts in the land to perfect my kingdom!! (no response)

Arthur

You have proved yourself a lump of dung, Black Donut!!!

(Straining.) Why do you vex me so in my pursuit of perfection? (no response)

Arthur

You make me sad. So be it! Come, Patsy. We shall get the Holy penetrating oil of Antioch!

(As Arthur and Patsy start to leave, the Black Donut speaks)

Black Donut

NONE SHALL GET MY RUSTY NUTS.

Arthur

(taken aback) What?

Black Donut

NONE SHALL GET MY RUSTY NUTS.

Arthur

I have no quarrel with you, Black Donut, but I must dethrone the differential!

Black Donut

THEN YOU SHALL DIE!

Arthur

I command you, as king of the Restorers, to yield forthwith.

Black Donut

I YIELD FOR NO ONE.

Arthur

So be it! A battle ensues, where Arthur, surprising unencumbered by starched coveralls, wrenches three of the Black Donut's nuts off. (A Black

Donut has six nuts.)

Arthur

Now yield your bolts, worthy adversary.

Black Donut

'Tis but a scratch.

Arthur

A SCRATCH? Your nuts are off!

Black Donut

No!

Arthur

Well what's that then? (pointing to the nuts lying on the floor)

Black Donut

I've had worse.

Arthur

You LIAR!

Black Donut

Come on, you pansy!

(There follows a fierce foray during which Arthur mercilessly beats out the Black Donut's bolts. Oil, sweat, dirt, and foul words fly freely.)

Arthur

Victory is mine! (kneeling, praying) We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy ...

(He is interrupted by the Black Donut.)

Black Donut

Ohhh, had enough, eh?

Arthur

(getting up) You are indeed tenacious, Black Donut, but the fight is mine!

Black Donut

No it isn't.

Arthur

Look, you stupid bastard, half your nuts & bolts are gone!

Black Donut

Just a scratch! You phooftah!

Arthur

Look, STOP that!

Black Donut

Sissy!!! Chicken!!!!!!!

Arthur

Look, shut up or I'll cleave you from your brake disc!

(The Black Donut continues his taunting)

Arthur

RIGHT! (Arthur goes to work on the Black Donut's remaining nuts. Prayers and screams rise to heaven. Three more nuts fall to the floor.)

Black Donut

(hurting) Right! I'll do you for that!

Arthur

You'll WHAT?

Black Donut

Come closer!

Arthur

(tiring of this) What're you going to do, leak on me?

Black Donut

I'm INVINCIBLE!!!

Arthur

You're a looney....

Black Donut

The Black Donut ALWAYS TRIUMPHS! I have you now, you pansy!!

(with three mighty swings of his silver hammer, Arthur knocks the last three bolts out of the Black Donut and it falls to the floor. The jubilee clamp flies off and the Donut twists into a pathetic shape.)

Black Donut

(short of breath) Okay, okay, we'll call it a draw.

Arthur

(Standing up proudly) Come, Patsy! (they walk away.)

Black Donut

(calling after them) Oh! Had enough, eh. Come back and take what's coming to you, you sissy bastard!! Come back here and take what's coming to you!!