A customer gets out of a truck towing a Lotus Elan, and approaches the owner of the dealership:

Customer

'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

C

I wish to make a complaint!

Owner

We're closin' for lunch.

C

Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this used Lotus what I purchased not half a day ago from this very boutique.

O

Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue Lotus Elan ...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

C

I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's worn out, that's what's wrong with it!

O

No, no, 'e's uh,...he's flooded.

C

Look, matey, I know a dead auto when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

O

No no he's not dead, he's, he's flooded! Remarkable car, the Lotus Elan, idn'it, ay? Beautiful lines!

C

The lines don't enter into it. It's falling apart!

O

Nononono, no, no! 'E's flooded!

C

All right then, if he's flooded, I'll crank him up! (turning the ignition key) 'Ello, Mister Elan, wakey wakey!

(nothing happens, owner bumps the car)

O

There, he moved!

C

No, he didn't, that was you pushing on it!

O

I never!

C

Yes, you did!

O

I never, never did anything...

C

Now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. This car is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf a day ago, you assured me that it was under warranty and its sluggish behaviour was due to it bein' shagged out following a prolonged Norwegian autocross.

O

Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

C

PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall apart the moment I got 'im home?

O

The Lotus Elan prefers bein' in pieces! Remarkable car, id'nit, squire? Lovely lines!

C

Look, I took the liberty of examining this car at home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been running in the first place was that the gearbox was taped on.

(pause)

O

Well, o'course it was! The tape absorbs any sudden jolts.

C

'E's passed on! This car is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-AUTO!!

(pause)

O

Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek at his inventory list)

O

Sorry squire, I've had a look, and uh, we're right out of Elans.

C

I see. I see, I get the picture.

O

I got a Lotus Europa.

C

Does it run?

O

Sort of.

(pause)

C

Okay, I'll take it.