Lotus Elan

Joke

PostPost by: KevJ+2 » Sat Oct 14, 2017 12:18 pm

There is a story of a young man who used to make a few extra dollars as a bagpiper, who played mostly for funerals. One time he was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a cemetery in the Kentucky back country. The young man was not familiar with the area and got lost; and being a typical man, wouldn't stop for directions. Finally he arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

All he saw were the diggers and crew left, and they were eating lunch. He felt bad and apologized to the men for being late, went to the side of the grave, and looked down. The vault lid was already in place, but not knowing what else to do, he started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. He played his heart out for this man with no family and friends. He played like he'd never played before for this homeless man's memory.

As he played "Amazing Grace," the workers began to weep. They wept, he wept, they all wept together. When he finished, he packed up his bagpipes and started for his car. Though his head hung low, his heart was full.

Just as he was opening the door to his car, he heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
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PostPost by: john.p.clegg » Sat Oct 14, 2017 2:44 pm

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PostPost by: Bud English » Sat Oct 14, 2017 4:42 pm

Couldn't help but think fondly of John Pelly just then. :)
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PostPost by: Spyder fan » Sun Oct 15, 2017 5:17 pm

Jokes appear to be censored, search Joke and see if you are authorised to view?
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PostPost by: Bud English » Mon Oct 16, 2017 5:34 am

Alan, I think it's just that original Joke thread that John started that is locked out. I'd like to think it was retired in John's memory. IIRC, it was locked about the same time his signature block was edited to reflect his passing.
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PostPost by: Spyder fan » Mon Oct 16, 2017 6:41 am

Bud,
Generally if a thread is blocked it's because of bad behaviour, John would be proud of that :mrgreen:

Little Johnny asks the teacher,
?Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven?t done??
-
Mrs Roberts is shocked,
?Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!?
-
Little Johnny is relieved,
?OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven?t done my homework.?
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PostPost by: Orsom Weels » Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:50 am

Weight loss program.


Guy decides he should try to keep his weight in check so phones and orders a brand new 5 day ? 5Lb weight loss programme.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and standing before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
The sign reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he gives up.
The same girl shows up the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day he finally catches her & she honours the promise on her sign.
He gets home, weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5LBs as promised.

Couple of weeks later he calls the company and orders their 5 day ? 10Lb programme.
The next day there's a knock at the door and standing before him is the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and despite his best efforts, no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day he finally catches her & she too honours the promise on her sign.
when home, he weighs himself, and discovers that he has lost another 10Lbs, as promised.

After another couple of weeks he decides to go for broke and calls the company to order their top 7 day ? 25Lb programme.
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone.. 'This is our most rigorous programme.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'

The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'

He lost more than 25Lbs that week. .. ..
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