Joke
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Post by: Bud English » Wed May 19, 2021 5:23 pm
A cowboy named Billy was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Billy looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Billy. He watches the man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Billy says to the man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Billy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy.
"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog."
The driver, a man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Billy looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Billy. He watches the man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Billy says to the man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Billy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy.
"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog."
Bud
1970 +2S Fed 0053N
"Winnemucca - says it all really!!"
1970 +2S Fed 0053N
"Winnemucca - says it all really!!"
- Bud English
- Fourth Gear
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Post by: elanfan1 » Thu May 20, 2021 12:10 pm
A friend of mine bought his wife a new fur coat made out of 2000 hamster skins. He took her to Blackpool for the weekend couldn’t get her off the big wheel for two days
Steve
Silence is Golden; Duct Tape is Silver
Silence is Golden; Duct Tape is Silver
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elanfan1 - Coveted Fifth Gear
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Post by: Spyder fan » Thu May 20, 2021 12:24 pm
elanfan1 wrote:A friend of mine bought his wife a new fur coat made out of 2000 hamster skins. He took her to Blackpool for the weekend couldn’t get her off the big wheel for two days
Translation for the US?
A friend of mine bought his wife a new fur coat made out of 2000 hamster skins. He took her to Coney Island for the weekend couldn’t get her off the Ferris wheel for two days.
Kindest regards
Alan Thomas
Alan Thomas
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Spyder fan - Coveted Fifth Gear
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Post by: elanfan1 » Thu May 20, 2021 6:33 pm
Translate this one then Al:
A mate was eating his packed lunch sandwiches and thought they tasted a bit odd. When he got home he asked his wife what was in the sandwiches. She said crab paste. He said that it tasted odd where did you get it. She said from the chemist.
A mate was eating his packed lunch sandwiches and thought they tasted a bit odd. When he got home he asked his wife what was in the sandwiches. She said crab paste. He said that it tasted odd where did you get it. She said from the chemist.
Steve
Silence is Golden; Duct Tape is Silver
Silence is Golden; Duct Tape is Silver
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elanfan1 - Coveted Fifth Gear
- Posts: 1720
- Joined: 13 Jan 2004
Post by: Spyder fan » Thu May 20, 2021 7:28 pm
elanfan1 wrote:Translate this one then Al:
A mate was eating his packed lunch sandwiches and thought they tasted a bit odd. When he got home he asked his wife what was in the sandwiches. She said crab paste. He said that it tasted odd where did you get it. She said from the chemist.
A buddy was eating his brown bag sandwiches and thought they tasted a bit odd. When he got home he asked his wife what was in the sandwiches. She said crab paste. He said that it tasted odd where did you get it. She said from the druggist.
Kindest regards
Alan Thomas
Alan Thomas
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Spyder fan - Coveted Fifth Gear
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Post by: Spyder fan » Thu May 20, 2021 7:33 pm
My boss pointed out today that I only seem to get sick monday to Friday.
I told him it must be something to do with my Weekend immune system
I told him it must be something to do with my Weekend immune system
Kindest regards
Alan Thomas
Alan Thomas
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Spyder fan - Coveted Fifth Gear
- Posts: 2019
- Joined: 11 Jun 2009
Post by: Spyder fan » Fri May 21, 2021 6:58 am
hamm61 wrote:And I thought Screwfix was a dating agency !
Very good! Might need to explain to the US audience though
Kindest regards
Alan Thomas
Alan Thomas
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Spyder fan - Coveted Fifth Gear
- Posts: 2019
- Joined: 11 Jun 2009
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