Talking dog

[elanfan1]

I was walking down the road and I saw a sign in a shop window, 'Talking dog for sale'. Obviously this caught my eye so I went into the shop and asked behind the counter. The man barely lifted his head and merely grunted ' Go take a look if you want, he's through the back'. I headed into the back shop and saw a lovely golden retriever and, rather nervously, said 'Are you the talking dog?'. The dog instantly replied 'Does my answering your question clarify things?'

I almost fainted. It was true. A talking dog! I asked him what his story was, how he'd ended up in a back shop in an ordinary town. He cleared his throat and said-

'My parents were pedigree kennel club labs, Father won Crufts 4 times, mother twice. I was the only pup of her first litter, unusual in itself, but once people realised I could talk, things went a bit crazy. My first owners used it as a parlour trick, they'd show all their friends, people came from miles around until one of the big circuses heard about me and bought me for £100,000. A lot of money back then. I travelled the world with them, I've seen almost every country in the world, but just as I was about to become a huge international star, the CIA came along and confiscated me. I was trained to listen to conversations, relay things to my handlers. I became a spy dog and won several medals for my services to the American government and world peace. I've sat in the company of Kings, presidents, Holywood stars, arms dealers, you wouldn't believe it, nobody gives a friendly labrador a second look. Eventually though it all got to me, the pressure was too much and I had to think of my mental health, so I went into a witness protection programme with a cover of being a security specialist, and now I have a small company supplying guard dogs to small businesses like this one. Its a much quieter life but I'm so much happier.'

I couldn't believe it. I ran back to the shopkeeper and said 'I'll take him, this is incredible. How much is he?'

The shopkeeper replied '£15'

I said '£15!? Why only £15?'

The shopkeeper replied 'Because he's a lying little bastard, he hasn't done any of those things!'

[USA64]

I read the punchline first and still laughed!