Some Thoughts

[jcocking]

I came across this blog post the other day. We have had several flair ups on the forums recently. The main cause is members only focusing on their personal narrative. Take time to read this and contemplate this before you decide to flame someone on the forum.

thank you.

jeff

No one says, "I'm going to be unfair to this person today, brutal in fact, even though they don't deserve it or it's not helpful."

Few people say, "I know that this person signed the contract and did what they promised, but I'm going to rip them off, just because I can."

And it's quite rare to have someone say, "I'm a selfish narcissist, and everyone should revolve around me merely because I said so."

In fact, all of us have a narrative. It's the story we tell ourselves about how we got here, what we're building, what our urgencies are.

And within that narrative, we act in a way that seems reasonable.

To be clear, the narrative isn't true. It's merely our version, our self-talk about what's going on. It's the excuses, perceptions and history we've woven together to get through the world. It's our grievances and our perception of privilege, our grudges and our loves.

No one is unreasonable. Or to be more accurate, no one thinks that they are being unreasonable.

That's why we almost never respond well when someone points out how unreasonable we're being. We don't see it, because our narrative of the world around us won't allow us to. Our worldview makes it really difficult to be empathetic, because seeing the world through the eyes of someone else takes so much effort.

It's certainly possible to change someone's narrative, but it takes time and patience and leverage. Teaching a new narrative is hard work, essential work, but something that is difficult to do at scale.

In the short run, our ability to treat different people differently means that we can seek out people who have a narrative that causes them to engage with us in reasonable ways. When we open the door for these folks, we're far more likely to create the impact that we seek. No one thinks they're unreasonable, but you certainly don't have to work with the people who are.

And, if you're someone who finds that your narrative isn't helping you make the impact you seek, best to look hard at your narrative, the way you justify your unreasonableness, not the world outside.

Original Item

[MartinH]

Good point, well made Jeff. I was at the Classic Le Mans event at the weekend which was truly spectacular. I spent a lot of time talking to Lotus people on the Club Lotus France display where I had my Elan s3/4 (its a bitsa). A number of the people I was in conversation with were full of praise for the forum but 2, of them one French and one English voiced the opinion that from time to time some of the narrative is toxic. Now toxic may be a little strong but, as an infrequent poster and regular visitor I understand the comments and wonder why on a forum where so much useful advice, experience and knowledge is generously shared there is a need to tolerate a minority who don't seem to be able to control their emotions. Perhaps the guilty parties should be temporarily suspended and re-offenders barred.
Hopefully I wont need to brace myself for the comeback for this post.

Martin

[john.p.clegg]

Maybe a new section for Unmoderated Uncensored Adult topics?

Dubious posts could be moved there...

Go there at your own risk...


John

[KevJ+2]

Maybe a new section for Unmoderated Uncensored Adult topics?

Sort of like a pay to view....like your thinking John!
All proceeds to Elan.net of course!

[Certified Lotus]

I simply just ignor the offenders. No reply, no mention, no recognition. I do the same with the Kardashians and Donald Trump, they never have anything worth saying or doing, I turn them off when ever they appear on TV, won't talk about them as its not worth my time.

Sometimes silence is deafening. If you don't feed the fire, it burns out.

[pharriso]

I simply just ignor the offenders. No reply, no mention, no recognition. I do the same with the Kardashians and Donald Trump, they never have anything worth saying or doing, I turn them off when ever they appear on TV, won't talk about them as its not worth my time.

Sometimes silence is deafening. If you don't feed the fire, it burns out.

Agreed.

[l10tus]

Sorry if this is the wrong topic, but has the possibility of uploading personal Avatars being resolved, when I try, the image repeatedly keeps being rejected on the basis that it's too large.

I've tried using the re-sizing apps. But all to no avail!

Is this facility still blocked?

RSVP Jeff or anybody else who can advise / assist pls?

Many thanks,

Phil.

[Robbie693]

I completely missed the Unmoderated Uncensored Adult topics!

[jcocking]

Good point, well made Jeff. I was at the Classic Le Mans event at the weekend which was truly spectacular. I spent a lot of time talking to Lotus people on the Club Lotus France display where I had my Elan s3/4 (its a bitsa). A number of the people I was in conversation with were full of praise for the forum but 2, of them one French and one English voiced the opinion that from time to time some of the narrative is toxic. Now toxic may be a little strong but, as an infrequent poster and regular visitor I understand the comments and wonder why on a forum where so much useful advice, experience and knowledge is generously shared there is a need to tolerate a minority who don't seem to be able to control their emotions. Perhaps the guilty parties should be temporarily suspended and re-offenders barred.
Hopefully I wont need to brace myself for the comeback for this post.

Martin

If we find a toxic post, the user is usually warned and the posts are cleaned up. If it occurs a second time or the initial offense was toxic enough, the person is banned for 2 weeks. We increase the banned period for additional offenses. Once you have been banned for longer than 6 months, we will usually permanently ban you.

If any one finds a post they believe to be toxic, just report the post and I will review it. To report a post, click on the Exclamation icon and fill in the form. I'm notified within the hour of the report submitted.

[jcocking]

Maybe a new section for Unmoderated Uncensored Adult topics?

Dubious posts could be moved there...

Go there at your own risk...


John

We have the free parking where anything goes from a content perspective. For example, there was a long topic on the UK and EU vote. I will remove content that is pornagraphic ( this is due to google search engine issues. Google will flag your site as adult and will reduce your index.).

We just ask people to be repectful of others. You can talk about anything and still be respectful. You can even vehemently disagree with someone and still be respectful to the other person.

[jcocking]

Sorry if this is the wrong topic, but has the possibility of uploading personal Avatars being resolved, when I try, the image repeatedly keeps being rejected on the basis that it's too large.

I've tried using the re-sizing apps. But all to no avail!

Is this facility still blocked?

RSVP Jeff or anybody else who can advise / assist pls?

Many thanks,

Phil.

The avatar has to be small. The size restriction is 50 by 50 pixels. This is for performance reasons. A page will contain up to 20 avatars from different members. No one wants to wait for a page to download for a bunch of personal avatars.

[l10tus]

Thanks Jeff, just to let you know - it gives a different size for the pixel requirement on the prrsonal edit profile page(80x80?)?

Anyway I'll give it a go.

Not sure how to reduce to 50x50 though?

Many thanks,

Phil.

[billwill]

Not sure how to reduce to 50x50 though?

Many thanks,

Phil.

Try https://pixlr.com/editor/
but make a COPY of your picture beforehand and edit that, because that online program does not seem to have a File-> SAVE AS option.



Resizing is in the IMAGE menu

[Wickey]

Efficiently moderating a website is not difficult. As a previous company director sponsoring many websites it was something we would perform regularly and withdraw our sponsorship if they were allowed to get 'out of hand' with any use of bad language. Checking to see how well this is done can simply be achieved by using the website search engine and placing such selective words in the search field and see what posts have previously used bad language with no attempt to just simply remove them EVEN WHEN BEEN ASKED TO. Sadly this forum is badly moderated IMHO as far as 'longer/higher gear' members seem to be able to get away with it..........hiding behind their keyboards in some belief they are protected. I replied to one foul thread using words only that had been obviously acceptable to the forum as not previously removed.

No point in just preaching not to do it...........moderators need to fulfil their responsibilities especially when it is written in the rules, and set an example by getting the posts removed. It is so simple for anyone who controls the website. I don't intend for sure discussing this matter anymore in the 'private messages' btw

[Sea Ranch]

We have the free parking where anything goes from a content perspective. For example, there was a long topic on the UK and EU vote. I will remove content that is pornagraphic ( this is due to google search engine issues. Google will flag your site as adult and will reduce your index.).

We just ask people to be repectful of others. You can talk about anything and still be respectful. You can even vehemently disagree with someone and still be respectful to the other person.

Thank you, Jeff. I favour this approach, and appreciate your concern for respectful discussion. Disrespect has no place here, no function.

Regards,

Randy