Lotus Elan

Joke

PostPost by: KevJ+2 » Tue Mar 21, 2017 11:19 am

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and D+G tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd...
"If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not".
The guy parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. They young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150- page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and turns to the shepherd and says,
"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep." says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a consultant." says the shepherd. "Wow! That's correct, but how did you guess that"? "No guessing required." answered the shepherd. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you know nothing about my business..." "
.. Now give me back my dog"
KevJ+2
Fourth Gear
Fourth Gear
 
Posts: 819
Joined: 23 Aug 2013

PostPost by: rgh0 » Tue Mar 21, 2017 11:56 am

Hahahahaha

I worked as a consultant for a couple of years. Discovered that few people wanted to pay for what I knew. I discovered they preferred to struggle with running process plants they did not understand and losing money rather than paying a little for know how to do it properly and make money in the long term. But then most people don't like being told they don't know what they are doing :roll:

Back running plants myself now in the corporate world (with a company that actually valued my knowledge as a consultant) it pays better and is much more satisfying to have real control on the outcome. The challenge is still to educate the business on how it needs to be done to make money in the long term :lol:

cheers
Rohan
User avatar
rgh0
Coveted Fifth Gear
Coveted Fifth Gear
 
Posts: 7512
Joined: 22 Sep 2003
Location: Melbourne, Australia

PostPost by: KevJ+2 » Tue Mar 21, 2017 12:11 pm

Maybe you should start charging for your time on here! :lol:

Kev.
KevJ+2
Fourth Gear
Fourth Gear
 
Posts: 819
Joined: 23 Aug 2013

PostPost by: richardcox_lotus » Tue Mar 21, 2017 2:24 pm

No way, we could never afford it.
Richard
'72 Sprint
richardcox_lotus
Coveted Fifth Gear
Coveted Fifth Gear
 
Posts: 1158
Joined: 11 Jul 2004
Location: Kent

PostPost by: Hawksfield » Tue Mar 21, 2017 2:33 pm

Rohan

Good point, in the Telegraph today a claim by the bank of England chief economist (Andy Haldane) stated that the majority of poorly performing UK businesses do not understand their own predicament.

Sound like there is plenty of scope for business consultants if they can get managers to realise their predicament
Hope things improve under Brexit

Kev
Hope not as Rohan has contributed a mass of help and information to the Forum members and has shown the true spirit sharing knowledge. I have been recipient of help from his post's in the past and very much appreciated

Thanks Rohan


Regards from a financially restricted retired +2 owner of 30 years
Regards

John

+2s130 1971
User avatar
Hawksfield
Third Gear
Third Gear
 
Posts: 387
Joined: 14 Jul 2004
Location: Hartlepool Teesside

Total Online:

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests