Oops, nearly missed this - been traveling. Apologies this is so long. Wrote it on the flight. Like Phil says, PM me anytime.
I moved from Hampshire to New Hampshire (and later to Boston via Seattle) about 26 years ago. Never regretted it for a minute (but obviously missed some stuff).
I don't remember the specific hurdles; you'll work your way through them and then forget them. Mark and Andy give a great run down of some technicalities. I'd add:
- For taxes your employer may be able to help. My employer paid one of the big accounting firms to do my US taxes, with UK tax equalization. The first year is likely to be complex.
- Having a US address right from the start helps you get set up. (Imagine showing up off the boat in the UK, with no National Insurance number, no address, funny accent, and trying to open a bank account and get a credit card.) Use your company or manager's address if necessary. Correct it once you've moved.
- Apply for a Social Security card for yourself and your wife during one of your trips before your final move. I remember that mine took a while to arrive and was sent to my manager's home. He opened the letter and gave me the number over the phone while I was still in the UK.
- Have a formal letter with proof of employment so that you can convince people that you're for real.
- Somebody like Santander Bank, with street branches in the UK and Mass, may be able to help you set up a US bank account before you arrive, which would definitely simplify the first couple of weeks. You'll need a SS number and an address.
- You'll have to use your UK credit card to get started. If you have a UK AmEx card they should be able to provide one that is billed in dollars (maybe Visa/Mastercard can do this too). A good trick would be to figure out how to get your credit rating transferred to the US. I've no idea if this is possible. It's another area where somebody like AmEx could help. Call the US credit agencies (there are three: Experian, Equifax, TransUnion) and ask. Your credit rating is checked by card issuers, landlords and God knows who else, so it's important to have one. If you don't people will think you're from Mars.
- Get a copy of your good driving record from your car insurance company and hope that you can make it work in the US. Otherwise car insurance is going to come as a shock. Phone the big US insurance companies and ask. Tell them that they'll get your business if they accept your UK driving record.
- Get a driver's license immediately. Waving a passport around as proof of who you are doesn't inspire confidence that you plan to stick around and pay your bills. The test is designed to be easy, unlike the UK where it is designed to be difficult. You won't fail. The Mass Department of Transport (DOT) has a rules-of-the-road book so skim through it before you do the test.
- If you have any needed medical/dental records get them before you leave. I imagine that trying to get them once you're in the US would be challenging.
- Your company's HR people in the UK will probably be hopeless because they won't know anything about the US. And vice-versa.
- Don't forget to tell the UK National Insurance people your US address once you've settled in. I didn't do this, and lost my number, so recently spent several months proving to them who I am.
But a relocation is not decided on the technicalities. They are just a nuisance and a matter of time. Buying all new 110v appliances and winter clothes that work in -20c is a pain but not a show stopper.
The hardest part is emotional. The more you think about it the less likely you are to do it. The upsides are in the future and uncertain. The downsides are immediate and obvious - leaving home, friends, family, job, integration with the society at large, and much more.
So my advice is to close your eyes and jump. If you don't you will spend the rest of your life kicking yourself for missing a wonderful and rare opportunity (this applies to many countries, not just the USA). If you love it you can stay, if you hate it you can be home in 6 hours.
There is culture shock - the language might be the same, but not much else is. If you were moving to Japan you'd expect everything to be strange, but there's a tendency to think that the US will be just like the UK. It ain't. But that's the whole idea; if everything were the same there would be no point in doing it. So you have to leave your prejudices at the immigration booth and be flexible enough to embrace a new, different life. Easy to do in your 20s, gets harder as you age, would be tough in your 50s. American football and baseball are wonderful sports - there's no point complaining that they aren't soccer and cricket. There are plenty of stupidities in the US and plenty of different stupidities in the UK.
Much to my surprise I found that I love the cold, blue, dry, snowy winters. The seasons here are one of the region's great attractions.
Which is the better country? Well, the person who stays here will tell you one thing, while the person who goes back will tell you another. So you have to find out for yourself!
I very much agree with the comment that it's not about you. It's about your wife. Unless you can get her a work permit she's going to be sitting at home with no friends, missing her mum. At least you can do free phone calls to the UK these days. The local schools will doubtless welcome a volunteer. So don't rent a place out in the country because you like the idea of a few thousand square feet, a few acres of land, and a big garage for your cars and the Elan you'll obviously have to buy. Get somewhere near to town, a nice walkable neighborhood, and good public transport to the city. Your wife has to love it. You won't have time to love it because you'll be working your *rs* off! Fortunately, Newton has some very nice areas.
Boston is about the easiest place for a European to adjust to, and the shortest flight home.
As for abrasive. What, compared to the Brits? Ha ha!
Nick